on quitting
I've done a lot of quitting in my lifetime.
Most incidents of throwing in the towel were rather insignificant. A fishing trip that wasn't going well. A round of golf (I'm a terrible golfer). A new year's resolution. A book that didn't interest me.
But, when is it okay to quit? How should we make that decision?
I can think of three specific instances when I quit something and to this day struggle with doubt, regret or uncertainty about the decision.
Medical school. I dropped out of medical school during the second year. I was stressed, a bit depressed, and struggling to focus. As a worrier, this probably wasn't a great profession for me to choose, but quitting has continued to haunt me. Pride is the root cause of my regret about this decision. It has very little to do with thinking I should have been a doctor and a lot to do with the notion of giving up on something I am certain I was capable of accomplishing.
My first teaching job. I student taught at an inner-city school in Phoenix. It was a tough place, but I loved the kids and learned a lot. I signed on to teach at the school for the following year, but during the summer, the principal that hired me left and the school went half a year without a leader. When a new hire was introduced, the environment quickly became toxic. I remember weekly staff meetings where the teachers literally chose sides -- sitting on opposite sides of the media center based on their support (or lack thereof) for the new principal. Yikes. At the end of the year, I took a teaching job closer to my home. The regret of bailing on the kids at this school keeps this decision hovering in my mind.
Retirement as a principal. At the end of last school year I retired after fourteen years as a principal. I'm not sure where I'm at on this decision (too soon). I enjoyed working with students and colleagues, but the "politics" of education, countless meetings, and a near physical altercation with an angry parent produced a lot of stress. After all this time I still found I could develop innovative ideas, but I didn't have the energy it took to see them through and feel like I was giving my best to the school community. I now feel like I have to justify my decision which is difficult because I'm not sure what's next. Pride, guilt, and a sudden loss of clear purpose leave me feeling a bit "up in the air" on this decision.
I'm not sure I'll ever be able to obliterate these nagging regrets. I am able to reflect on decisions one and two and recognize good things that have come from the choice to quit in those circumstances. Number three is still to be determined, but I know that I now have new opportunities (and I am significantly less stressed). Ultimately, how I choose to use my time and pursue activities of purpose will likely determine my feelings on an early retirement.
Are regrets of this nature normal? How do you know, when it is time to move on?
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