learning to see
Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another. - Alfred Adler
The world seems to be operating on a shortage of empathy these days. Empathy requires a level of understanding. Not that you've "been through it," but that you can fathom the situation or circumstances of another person(s).
Empathy is a learned emotion. It isn't hard-wired like happiness, sadness, anger, etc. This means we have to work at it -- be deliberate in our efforts to understand.
Growing up in rural Kansas, I was taught to be kind and honest, work hard, and persevere. I believed that these qualities were the key to being successful in life.
My first job as an educator was at an inner city school in downtown Phoenix, Arizona. This work provided substantially different social and cultural experiences than those of central Kansas. Many of my students, and their families, experienced poverty, violence, hunger, and various other traumas.
During my years as a teacher and administrator, I spent a lot of time observing, reading, listening, learning, and attempting to help when possible. None of this gave me the "lived" experience of my students, or has allowed me to say "I understand," but it has increased my ability to empathize. It has allowed me to reflect and recognize that even in my small Kansas hometown there are people who were (and are) "going through it." I didn't have the knowledge and experience to understand it at the time.
My initial notion on what it takes to make it in the world was too narrow and self-dependent.
Sometimes kindness, honesty, hard work, and perseverance are not enough.
These are admirable (and helpful) qualities, but if we are honest, "success" in life (however we define that) also depends on where we start, our "lived" experiences, our support network, a few breaks, and the help we receive from others. If we recognize that none of us are entirely "self-made," our ability to empathize with others will improve, and the world will be better for it.
A short postscript: my focus in this post was on poverty, but we can also learn to demonstrate empathy for those we don't agree with, the rude clerk at the convenience store, the guy that cuts us off in traffic, etc.