ink, paper, and prayer
I am a worrier. A worrier that comes from a long line of worriers. I’ve spent a significant amount of time worrying, so I am practiced. With all due humility, I’m very good at it. And, in spite of my skill level, the outcome of this investment has been what you might expect, including bouts with anxiety and depression.
For now, I have things under control, but the potential to perseverate on something is always lurking in the shadows.
I am a person of faith, but one in the line of “I believe. Help my unbelief.” - Mark 9:24 In spite of my novice status, prayer does bring me respite from worry. It is a way for me to “hand over” my worries to God — even if for a few moments. However, prayer is hard for me. My brain attempts to sabotage quiet space with concerns, tasks and a wide variety of hypotheticals. But, I enjoy writing, so I’ve found that writing my prayers is sometimes more effective (and it allows me to save them for future reference.
I’m going to share an example, but I want to make a few things clear. (1) My purpose is only to affirm that anxiety and worry are very real and prayer is challenging. (2) I’ve never had a “mystical” experience. I’ve had prayers answered, requests that haven’t turned out the way I had hoped, and I have a lot of petitions that are “to be determined.” (3) This is something that helps me. If it helps you, or someone you know, great. Feel free to use, share, or simply move on.
Calm the storms in my mind and body. Make clear my path. Allow me to feel your reassuring presence. Slow me down. Allow me to think clearly. Help me to be deliberate about being patient and kind to all. Give me words when necessary and silence when needed. Guide my decisions. Keep me from indecision. Protect me from depression. Redirect my anger. Help me to forgive. Remind me to show love and gratitude. Forgive me for my sins. Amen